Wednesday 24 April 2013

Confidence booster?

After my long break from the main office (roughly 6 months), I returned a virtually changed person. I was confident, stylish and happy. I still am. But since my return, there has been a definite shift in how I'm treated by my colleagues. 

In the past, I was frumpy and fat. Now, I'm more fabulous and fat!

I get compliments (mostly from the girls in the office), which was UNHEARD of prior "the break".

But then, there are the men. Whereas in the past I was part of the furniture, having been here coming up 5 years, now there is a undertone to their comments. It's like they've suddenly noticed me, and now they're trying to make up for lost time. Either that, or in the past I never considered that these comments were directed to me. 

It's things like lingering looks, the smutty comments, and "Your dress wins the best dress today" / "I see you're wearing red lipstick today sweetheart".  You know, the usual patronising, sexist comments. 

One of my good friends in the office though, further complicated my return to the office by asking that I didn't message him, talk to him, or smile at him, until he got over his 'crush'. Wait. Is it MY fault? What have I done to warrant this attention / these comments? Nothing. In a nutshell.

I don't dress provocatively at work (not that it should matter); I can only think that this is down to my confidence. But their comments, their 'banter' is not helping my confidence levels, and while I do call them out on any comments which make me feel uncomfortable, it is only since I've returned to the fold. 

I am not in any way saying this to 'brag' or 'boast' about the comments and the attention. This is me trying to make sense of the change, and also how I feel about it. In my self, I don't want to go back to being the frumpy lass in the corner, but neither do I want to be the objectified Joan Holloway of the office. 

If I was to say this outloud, I'd probably be told to be grateful for the attention, or thankful that they think I warrant the comments. But that is still not okay.

I'll let you know how this develops. Although any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Much love, 

K x


  1. Ugh, when men put the fact that they're attracted to you back onto you, like they're poor hopeless creatures being led astray by foxy much bullshit. If they CHOOSE to notice you they can also choose to minimise their sleazy comments so you can all do your work.

    I guess I'd say something like 'Thanks for noticing my dress/lipstick/fine self. I enjoy dressing for myself! Now let's get back to work!' I think being brisk/no nonsense is the way forward. Good luck. x x

  2. Do you think they've seen the change in you and don't like it? They were so used to you being 'part of the furniture' that by making these comments, they're hoping to drag you down again? Say Thanks if you feel a comment warrants it but like you have been doing call them out on it. I think they'll soon realise they can't get to you and they'll move on with their bullying ways!!