This is a post which has weighed heavy on my mind since the events which inspired it.
I've been blogging over 4 years now, and I've had the pleasure of meeting a great many of my blogging babes. And I've the even greater pleasure of calling some of these babes my friends.
Just because we're bloggers; just because we're plus size, doesn't mean we always see eye to eye. But we, for the most part, respect each other and our shared experiences of fatphobia and exclusion.
Which is why, the week after New Year, when we were beset with fat shaming from all angles, from Pink Clove, BooHoo, MissGuided, as well as the diet culture ramping up gears and being on nearly every advertising break, I was in fighting mode, fighting all the bodyshaming I spotted, as best defense is the best offence, as they say.
A little bit of paranoia started to creep in, as every tweet I seemed to make was calling out some brand or other and their bull shit, and so whenever a subtweet mentioned calming down, or not taking life so seriously, my self doubt crept up.
Which led to a particularly interesting conversation with a PSblogger (who I won't be naming, because, well, this isn't about her), calling her out on some choice comments and the power of social media and influence.
When I then fixated on a few tweets about bullying. And I'm not going to lie, I cried.
My angle is always to fight for the underdog. Which mainly is us, the Plus Size community, or the wider body positive movement, or the larger fats who are sized out of ranges with the likes of River Island.
I use my loud voice to speak up for them, or to hold their voice up to a different audience.
I don't see it as bullying the brand, or the blogger, but calling them out on it, and hopefully changing their mind.
But, does this make me a bully?
I have agonised over this word so much in the last few weeks, and discussed it at length with a few special people.
I have been a victim of bullying, both at school, and more recently in the workplace. The very idea that it was something I was inflicting on someone else shocked me to my core. The following days were marred with self doubt, and I started to question my actions, my motives, and whether I had in fact been a bully all my life.
A group of babes, knowing I was struggling, organised the most amazing thing: #superkaupa
Image c/o Murder of Goths
And it filled my heart with the love it needed to push that self doubt off it's perch, and steal the dinner money from paranoia, and to take control of things again. So my heart will once again fight for the underdog, call out shady actions, and run the side of those I love - while my brain follows behind, beaten down by Super Kaupa and her girl gang.
Much love my lovelies,